Today at work - .... yes, today is a Saturday and I worked ..... Well, so what, there are people who work on the weekends ..... Well, today at work, everything went perfectly wrong ..... Somebody mentioned to me the other day about Murphy's Law, but I like the alternative phrase better, because that's exactly what I felt like shouting when everything went completely crazy today .... "Sod it!" .....
It's interesting to me that we talked about Murphy's Law just a few days ago, and today that was what exactly happened ...... which brings to mind another rather commonly-used modern phrase, that which I think takes its origin from some philosphical thought - "self-fulfilling prophecy" .... So, rather than blaming it on everything but the rain, which it did actually today, I mean the rain, again I have to stand back and take perspective .....
But interestingly enough, on the way home today, the thought that came to my mind was this thing called Conscience ....... Personally, I'd like to think Conscience is what separate humans from animals ...... but I know nothing about the animal kingdom, where there might be certain species that are compassionate towards other living beings, for example .... which if there are really such species, that would put the Darwinism theory off-balance, wouldn't it? ....
Hang on, hang on, what do I really know about Darwin, or Darwinism for that matter? Again, I'm just talking out of my ass .... Well, back to what I was saying, if Conscience is part of the definition of Mankind, which I'd like to point out is just an opinion and nothing more, something definitely shortwired in the minds of those who commit crime without an iota of guilt or remorse, as those two elements are partly the definition of Conscience ( I Wikipediaed this) .... which makes me think that Conscience is, after all, a controlled process .... Something else is controlling Conscience ....
Well, definitely not Intelligence .... Take Ted Bundy, for example (I Wikipediaed him as well, urgh, really gruesome) ...... Well, I don't know what that something else is, but I do know that when I walked out of the office today, there was none of the little voice at the back of my head which should have whispered, "Why don't you stay on and help her out?" ....
It so happened that I happen to like the escalation manager I worked with today ...... I find her to be unpretentious, unlike the other one, who I very much like to bitch about, but I don't make it a point to use space unnecessarily to bitch about people I don't like ..... It will be a complete waste of space ...... Anywayz, I think she had a breakdown of some sort, 'coz I saw drops of tears on her lashes when I walked to her workstation at one point ...... and to think I get all stressed-up about this job ....
Of course, there have been numerous times when I feel like throwing the monitor out the window, if not myself, but alas, I don't have the muscle to lift the bloody thing ...... So, at the end of my shift, as I said my goodbye, she said to me, "You know, I can't do this by myself" ..... Yes, I do know that, I said to myself .... But, at that crucial point, I decided to be unfeeling and walked out the door .... Only people with a remarkable sense of Sacrifice would have stayed put ....
A line from the Wikipedia entry on Conscience: Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness. ..... So, if I'm honest enough with my own selfishness, does that mean I don't have a conscience? ...... But if I had stayed, it will not be out of Sincerity ..... Doesn't Conscience play a part in being sincere as well? I thought that when I walked out the door, I had been sincere with my colleague and showed her who I really am ....
And this is where Gratification comes in ...... Truth be told, I find no form of gratification whatsoever in doing the job I have now ..... It's simply because I need the money to live .... It's just about survival ..... I don't wake up wanting to do the job so damn good that I would surprise even myself ...... It's more of an automatic switch in my head that goes off at four in the morning every single damn day ...... even on the weekends ....
I wake up at four, go off to work at five, and by five something, I'm at the office staring at the monitor like it would answer all my life problems ..... More often than not, I stare at the screen like somehow the work I have to do would disappear, but instead my system crashes every so often and I have to get everything re-booted, which makes the desire to throw the monitor out the window even more .... Does this sound very familiar to you? 'Coz I bet a lot of people out there who work in front of a workstation go thru this like every fifteen milliseconds or so .....
It's not really the measly wage I make on this job, tho' of course I have to be honest with myself and say that money does matter, but it's more of the time that this job has stolen from me ....... I think I've worked more than ten hours a day, for most of the eight months that I've worked ..... Doing this job has made me realise that above everything else, one of the things I treasure most is Time .... You know the hackneyed phrases we all like to use such as Time is Golden or Time is Money, well, look at it this way, it's not so much the things we could do in the time that we have, it's more of the things we could not do despite having all the time in the world .... Does that make sense? .... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd rather spend my time just staring at the ceiling or do nothing then having to spend hours doing something I don't like at all ....
So when I chose to walk out the door and leave my colleague to carry the brunt of the work for the day, it's not because I had a really important engagement or anything, it's more like I'm saying, "The one thing that I do have total control in life is the time that I have" ...... I cannot control how people respond to me, nor can I control how things work out, but I do know that I can somehow bend Time to my liking ..... Most people think they don't have this "superpower", but actually we all do ...... I know, I know, *sighs* it's called Time Management ... but don't you think that it sounds way cooler when I say that it's a superpower .... C'mon, people, we are after all, the not-so-mythical Ordinary Heroes ....
One just has to bear in mind that Time is always there, it's just that one has to make a decision what to do with it ...... And that is what my conscience said to me ..... and hence I chose to walk out, and if I'm being selfish, then so be it ....... When I walked out and left the hellish world that is my job, that gave me the purest sense of gratification ....
Just one question - when will the time come when I could find a job where time didn't matter? ....... This is one thing my lazy brain has yet to work out ...... In the mean time, I'll try to find as much time as possible not to do anything, hahaha .........
3 comments:
hey babe! u surely have "issues" with everything huh! u need to chill babe! first of all, kids are not so bad coz they make u smile & feel happy with their silliness, not to mention the noise they make! u may feel irritated at first but after some time u will miss it. secondly, i agree that people at our workplace may be crazy or annoying....but aren't they human too? yeah, we bitch about them constantly but how do we know they dont bitch about us? it goes both ways. i guess at the end of the day, we are all just human beings trying to make a living. finally, thanks for the comment u made about my entry. i know a blog is a personal domain and u have the right to say whatever u like...without hurting anyone. for me, i just blog because i want to tell the people i care about get a glimpse of what i am doing in this faraway land & sometimes i do get carried away with my negative emotions. thats why my readers (my family) was kinda worried about my mental state coz i usually dont like to say negative things about other people. i dont aim to make people think negatively of things or people in certain organisations or even countries because i believe the readers have their own mind and can think for themselves without me telling them things.
Well, thanks for clearing that up ... The written word has not got the visible emotions and nuances of speech ... A lot of what we said in writing can get lost in meaning, especially when it concerns how we feel about others ... They might get the wrong message, you see ... And so I got the wrong message from you .... But let me just add, you have not stayed over my place when my bratty niece & nephew were around, have you? ... I personally think children are nice when they're actually yours ....
Correction: they are nice ONLY when they r yours ...
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