25 November 2020

Of jobs and writing and steaks and loneliness ...

 Well, it's been a while since I last updated this blog ... No, I haven't been busy ... Just pure laziness ... For those very few who still read my blog, as you may know, I have a job now as a sales assistant at a textile chain store ... I have been at this job for nearly a year ... I started 15th January and now it's almost end of the year ... The job is simple enough ... Customers tell how many metres they want and I cut the fabric accordingly ... for every RM1,000 of sales I make, I get a RM10 commission ... For ten months straight, I have been at the bottom of the list of commissions earned ... I get peeved by this, but I'm slowly accepting the fact that I will always be at the bottom of the list ... At least I get my basic pay and leaves ... I don't like some of the people I work with, but this is normal at any workplace ... There's always somebody who gets on one's nerves ... One who you want to choke the life out of him/her ... Oh yes, there's this particular granny (she's in her sixties) who I like to strangle to death ... I can list all the things I hate about her, but that would be a complete waste of precious blog space ... I don't talk to her unless she talks to me ... I have no way of avoiding her, so I try to say as little as possible ... If I don't respond, that would seem rude and I don't want to be her enemy, despite the fact that she is my enemy ... Boy, would I like to see some bad thing happen to her ... A freak accident of some sort ... Get hit by a falling piano, for example ... Who knows, with the Covid-19 pandemic still at large and she being in the group most vulnerable to contract the disease ... Well, here's hoping ... 

Other than work, I have been trying to get some writing done, but because I'm lazy, my writing project has stalled ... I am currently trying to write a script ... Downloaded some scripts as guidance, but the more I read, the more daunted and overwhelmed I become ... I read what I've written so far, and I cringe at how stilted, stuffy and downright shitty my script is ... I want the words to flow well and sound natural and witty and refreshing, but all I can see is how fake and unfunny and stale my writing is ... I may have written a novel and self-publish it, but the truth is, I don't think anybody wants to read what I've written save for this blog and the other blog ... The other day, I went to Kinokuniya, trying to find some reading material that may interest me and get the juice flowing for my own writing, but for the first time ever, I find nothing that piques my curiosity ... I look at all the books and I could feel a tinge of envy in this lonely heart of mine ... When will I ever get published? I mean, for real ... I think I mentioned somewhere that I want to be a full-time writer, but I've got bills to pay ... Granted, it's just my phone bill I have to pay ... Still, I can't just quit my job to pursue something I have dreamed of without having something to fall back on ... So, that's it ... My dream floating in space and me looking at the stars forlornly ... Speaking of reading material, I did recently purchased American Psycho ... Read the first few pages, and found that it's a bit on the heavy side ... These days, I want something light to read, like that Captain America novel I bought ... So, I've decided that I will only purchase a novel once I finish reading American Psycho ...


 Right after I went to Kinokuniya, I didn't know where else to go ... I've got some money to spend, but for the first time, I found myself disinterested to do some shopping ... I mean, I've got just about everything I ever wanted, save for the love of my life ... So, instead of going to any store I went straight to Chili's ....

I went to Chili's purely on a whim ... Didn't plan it at all ... But, I figured, since I had some money, and I wasn't going to spend it on shopping, I might as well treat myself to a nice meal ... 


Since I'm a Buzzfeed Quiz nutter, every single quiz that involves food, I've always chosen steak as a lunch or dinner ... It's either steak, or pizza, or burger ... Sometimes pasta, but almost always the three choices ... So, I thought I'd order a steak for real ... I asked for medium well because I don't like to see blood in my food ... Boy, the steak was really tough to cut into, and it was too chewy ... The mashed potato is a little too dry for my taste, I would have liked it if it was a little bit more creamy ... I give a two and a half stars out of five ... Sorry Chili's ...

Other than that, my life has been ... lonely ... I have no friends except the people at my workplace, which I don't consider my friends because I have nothing in common with any of them ... There is this girl who came in the same time I did, but I'm just her confidant ... I do have one or two people I get in touch with out of work, but my meetings with them are few and far in between ... I wonder what happens if I leave my number here in this post, but I don't want some psychopath to call me up ... I'm just desperate to talk to somebody ... Oh well, life goes on ... I'm in my mid-forties and all I look forward to now are just movies I can watch at home ... Yes, my life is pathetic but I try to make the best of it ...


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