Wow two years have passed since my last entry

 Well a LOT has happened in two years, I can tell you that... However, my life in the last two years has been monotonous at best and downright repetitive at worst... For one, I have been at my current job as sales assistant at a textile chain store for four years now, the longest I've been at any other job in the last 25 years.... I surprise myself.... Never thought I would last this long at a job... Thoughts of quitting have been raging in my head at least for the last two years, but I decided that I had had enough of running... I guess I have wised up when it comes to my vocational aspirations...

Hence I don't really have anything to say about what has happened to me in the last two years... I wish something important has happened, like I meet someone and get married.... Alas no such luck... Or that I land a new and exciting job... Nope nothing in that department... It's just me day in day out going to the hypermarket near my place where my workplace is located, punching in and out of the thumbprint machine, standing at my station, waiting for customers, cutting fabrics, going to early lunch or late lunch depending on my shift, exchanging gossip with a few of my coworkers (to be fair, I don't do the gossiping, more like I listen than talk) then going home and repeating the same thing the next day and the next and the next... That's why I haven't updated my blog for the last two years.... NOTHING HAS HAPPENED...

As for my mother, she went on to stay at my first brother's place for more than a a year and a half... And I had her apartment all to myself... It did feel liberating... I was free to do whatever I wanted... My first move is sleeping in the middle room.... There's nothing wrong with my room... It's just that I removed the ceiling fan years ago when my room underwent a makeover so it does feel like the air is not circulating in my room, even with the table fan on... So I have been sleeping in the middle room.... Other than that, I haven't done anything major with my mother's place....

But last December she came back to live with me... I rather not say what happened... Let's just say nobody really wanted to take care of her so to me falls the heavy responsibility... I want to say it's unfair but I guess it's just meant to be... My mother brings out the worst in me... So I'm not ashamed to say that I've physically abused her... I haven't taken a bat to hit her but let's just say that I've done her some bodily harm... She has no bruises to show for that but the other day she walked out of the house to "go to the police and make a report"... Needless to say, she got as far as the main gate before somebody hailed me down... I reluctantly went to get her and led her back to the house... Deep down I never cared what happens to her... She can sit down on the sidewalk all day long for all I care... In essence, I don't love my mother... She's a burden to me... I wish she was dead...

So that's about it, my life in two years... I wish I could say more but it'll be me just repeating myself... 

I got my booster shot, I wear a mask but I still get Covid ...

 My mother had an accident last week ... It happened while I was ready to go out to watch Death On The Nile ... When I got the call, I was surprised to find someone else talking as my mother ... It turned out to be the person who got hit when my mother drove the car into a pillar at the parking garage of the supermarket near our place ... I really don't remember the details anymore, all I knew at the time was that I was not gonna watch Death On The Nile ... 

When I arrived, someone from the supermarket's management came over and took me to the accident site ... My mother was in a wheelchair provided by the management and there were some people there ... I spoke to the girl whose car got hit, and saw that the damage was to the right side mirror of the car ... I think I wasn't thinking too clearly at the time because I didn't trade information with her when the ambulance arrived ... I knew I wasn't thinking too clearly because as the ambulance was about to drive off, I scrambled to find the car keys in my mother's bag and told them to wait as I might have left it at the car, only to find out after running like a mad person that the keys were not at the car but were in the bag all along ...

So, the ambulance took my mother to the hospital and stopped at the emergency ward ... I went along with the paramedic into the emergency ward ... Everything happened in a flurry ... All I could remember is that I registered my mother and had to wait outside while the doctors attended my mother ... 

My sister-in-law arrived after some time along with my two nephews ... They got the call from the good Samaritan whose car got hit ... After a while, my sister arrived and we all waited ... At one point, I was called in to give consent to the doctors to inject contrast into my mother so that they could perform a CT scan ... Apparently, the contrast can cause an allergic reaction so that is why they needed my consent ... As it turned out, my mother's left arm was broken and six of her right ribs, too ... After that, it was all just waiting ... My sister and sister-in-law left to settle the car's police report and insurance and I waited outside the emergency ward ... There were people waiting to go into the emergency rooms but I was waiting for my mother ... My sister and sister-in-law returned for short while, we had something to eat at the cafeteria ... Then I got a call from the emergency ward ... I thought it was another thing they needed consent for, but as it turned out my mother had pooped and needed her diaper changed ... She was too embarrassed to let the nurses do it for her, so my sister and I had to do it ... I remember thinking, "Well, she changed our diapers when we were babies, so we now had the responsibility to do it for her when she is incapacitated ...

My sister and sister-in-law left afterwards, leaving me by myself waiting for my mother ... One of the doctors said that one family member has to stay behind so that if there was an emergency or anything like that, they knew where to find a family member ... So I stayed behind, waiting outside ... 

It rained that late afternoon and I got myself a little wet as I went to the tiny mini mart near the emergency ward getting some provisions ... It was night and that was when I felt it ... The beginnings of a sore throat ... Yeah, I was exposed to the elements, I didn't have a jacket, and I sat outside ... The whole night I was there, I knew I wasn't gonna get any sleep ... Now and then I went inside to check on my mother, who had been transferred to an isolation unit where she would be transferred to the ICU pending results of the PCR test ... I decided to leave around 8am or 9am the next day because, man, I was tired and clearly, the doctors didn't need me to be around ...

I felt fine the entire time except for the niggling sensation in my throat ... When I got home, I took a shower, did laundry and was happily entertaining myself on Buzzfeed when my brother and his family paid a visit and took me out to lunch ... It was pretty uneventful for the rest of the day ... I did think I should have gone to work but I was too tired so it was a good thing that I texted my supervisor and a colleague saying I was taking an emergency leave ...

That Tuesday night, I had trouble sleeping ... For some reason, my legs felt like they were on fire and I had the worst kind of headache ... At midnight, I got a call from the hospital and the doctor on call wanted to update me on my mother's condition ... I told the doctor I couldn't really pay attention due to the headache and all and that was when she told me that I should get tested for Covid ... I told her that I had just done an RTK test because another colleague was tested positive ...

The next day, I actually felt better and went to work ... Nothing much happened, except that I started to cough really bad now and then ... My throat felt like there were shards of glass in it ... I went home after work and made myself a cheese toastie ... It was when I tasted it that I started to get the suspicion that my on again off again feeling of under the weather could be due to Covid because I couldn't taste a thing ... It felt like I ate cardboard ...

But I went to work on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday ... Around 12pm Friday I started to get the shivers ... My fingers felt cold but I could feel myself burning ... I told a supervisor that I wanted to go the clinic and she went to the manager telling him about my condition ... The manager said I should just go home ... But before I left the supervisor told me that the clinic would probably make me get a swab test first and that would cost me some money ... I said that was fine ...

The afternoon sun was scorching but I was feeling the heat on the inside as I rode my scooter to the clinic ... Sure enough, the girl at the register counter told me to get tested first before she would let me see the doctor ... So I waited and had the test done ... When the lab technician told me I tested positive for Covid, I didn't know how to react ... I think I took it in calmly enough ... I texted my result to my workplace's WhatsApp group and informed my family on the family WhatsApp group ...

Today is Monday, exactly a week after my mother's accident and day three of my quarantine ... The fever has gone, I think partly because I had Panadol every night except for last night ... I drink this tea given by a colleague ... It's a Chinese herbal tea ... Tastes rather bad but anything to get rid of Covid ... I take my mother's buffered Vitamin C because the manager advised me to take some, along with the tea ... My sister-in-law had managed to get a friend to send some OTC medicines, some groceries and a Subway sandwich ... For some reason, I cough really bad when taking the Fisherman's Friend cough drops ... The groceries consisted of a pack of frankfurters, biscuits, a carton of UHT milk and pasta sauce ... I cooked myself some penne with the pasta sauce ... It's edible ... My sense of smell and taste comes and goes ... 

I keep thinking that if my mother hadn't had the accident I would have been able to go and watch Death On The Nile and the week would have just been any other week ... It just goes to show that we can't control anything ... That if it was gonna happen, it will happen and there is nothing we can do about it ... Sure, we can try but maybe the result won't be to our liking ... I'm just glad that I had only mild symptoms and not end up in a hospital like my mother ... God, I hope she's alright ... Can't visit her because of this stupid Covid ...

A Year Has Passed and I'm Still Here ... Somewhat ...

 My last post was some time in June 2021 ... What the hell happened in the last six months, you ask ... Nothing ... I'm still at my deadbeat job at the textile chain store, the pandemic is still raging what with new variants and all, and Life moved on, except maybe me ...

I don't know what has happened to me ... It's as if I was hit with a blunt and heavy object in the head and I never recover ... I had so much to say two years ago, 2021 included, but now I have nothing to say ... 

My last post pretty much said it all ... I want to blame it all on the pandemic but I know it's not the real reason why I haven't written much ... I think I am in the middle of depression and I'm not sure how I can overcome it ... *sighs* This is all I can cough up ... I'm no longer the witty and sarcastic Brainjuice ... I am but a ghost ...

I'm Mad As Hell and I'm Not Taking It Anymore!!!

 Well yeah ... It has been a few months since my last post on this blog ... And yes, I am mad as hell 'coz of the Covid-19 pandemic ... I haven't been able to watch any movie at the cinema for a few months now and will never be able to watch any movie for at least a few months from now because all cinemas are on lockdown ... I ranted about it on my other blog but with little success, I think ...

I think the lockdown has taken away my gift for writing inane, nonsensical, bagful of witty ironicism on both blogs ... I just don't seem to care anymore ... It's like my life has ran its course and I'm just standing in front of a large never-ending wall of despair, unable to climb over to continue to the next path in my life ... 

I wish there was something I had to say, something I had to let out from my chest, but alas, no such thing ... I just don't have anything to say ... Maybe it's got to do with my age ... I mean, I'm 46 and what I got to show for it? ... I also wonder If my life is going to be this way for the next 20 years, God-willing, if I still continue to live for the next 20 years ... I don't have friends and I'm lonely, I'm in a dead beat job and no future anywhere else ... I just don't know what I should do ... When it comes to my career, I have accepted the fact that I am stuck with the dead beat job ... I have resigned to the fact that no one will hire someone who are in the their late 40s and who has jumped from job to job with frequency ... As for loneliness, I guess my new friends are the co-workers where I work, though I don't consider them as my friends except for one or two ... 

This is why I haven't updated my blogs for some time ... What is there to write about when one's life has come to a full stop and she's not dead? ...

I'm mad as hell that Brainjuice can't put any words of witty ironicism in my mouth and the fact that she struggles with it shows how maddening Life is!!! 

Of MCO and whatnot ...

 Okay, so I haven't updated this blog and the other for a while now ... The thing is, my laptop had issues and I had to get it reformatted ... But because of the MCO, I couldn't do it until the Government allowed that all businesses be opened... So, recently I sent my laptop to the computer shop to get it reformatted and here I am ...

Nothing much happened since my last blog post other than moping around the house and trying to get some nap in ... I can't remember the time when I could nap during the day ... Ever since I had to get a monthly injection of fluphenazine some time in 2019, I hadn't been able to sleep during the day ... I miss napping ... That's about it ...

My Favourite Things, Part 2 - Food Again ...

 Well, what else can I talk about other than food? Our lives revolve around food, right? We can't live without sustenance, right? ... Malaysians always ask, to make small talk, "Have you eaten?" ... Bet this is not what is often asked in other countries .. But, the topic of food will almost always come up in small tak, right? 

Well, well ... Let's get on with it, shall we? ...

My favourite condiment on savoury food such as hot dogs or Subway sandwiches is mustard ... I don't know why I like it so much ... One of those unexplainable things ...

I think I mentioned this in my first favourite things to do with food ... No need to explain myself again ...

Again, do I need to explain myself? ... I may be an idiot, but I'm not dumb ...

When I was studying in the UK more than 20 years ago, I used to buy this particular candy ... It remains my favourite, next to Cadbury's Flake ...

Yeah ... So I am repeating myself ... Did I tell you that I'm a Buzzfeed Quiz addict? ...

Firstly, I didn't know that potatoes are vegetables ... I thought they were from the tuber family ... Anyway, since in my post on my favourite food things, I posted a lot of Buzzfeed Quiz results featuring french fries, it's only common knowledge to figure out that I love potatoes ... A LOT ... It's my numero uno carb ...

For some reason, this has become my favourite snack at the moment ... It costs a bomb to purchase a bag here where I live, but since I have cash to spare, I always treat myself to two bags of Cheetos Puffs everytime I'm at the grocer's ... Not just any grocer's though 'coz Cheetos Puffs are imported goods ... I go to Jaya Grocer or Isetan at KLCC to get these ...

My favourite pasta shape, though I never say no to fettucine, spaghetti, macaroni or any other pasta shapes ...

Since my favourite ice cream flavour, it stands to reason that vanilla is my favourite flavour, period ... I love vanilla milkshake, vanilla cake, anything vanilla ...

Of jobs and writing and steaks and loneliness ...

 Well, it's been a while since I last updated this blog ... No, I haven't been busy ... Just pure laziness ... For those very few who still read my blog, as you may know, I have a job now as a sales assistant at a textile chain store ... I have been at this job for nearly a year ... I started 15th January and now it's almost end of the year ... The job is simple enough ... Customers tell how many metres they want and I cut the fabric accordingly ... for every RM1,000 of sales I make, I get a RM10 commission ... For ten months straight, I have been at the bottom of the list of commissions earned ... I get peeved by this, but I'm slowly accepting the fact that I will always be at the bottom of the list ... At least I get my basic pay and leaves ... I don't like some of the people I work with, but this is normal at any workplace ... There's always somebody who gets on one's nerves ... One who you want to choke the life out of him/her ... Oh yes, there's this particular granny (she's in her sixties) who I like to strangle to death ... I can list all the things I hate about her, but that would be a complete waste of precious blog space ... I don't talk to her unless she talks to me ... I have no way of avoiding her, so I try to say as little as possible ... If I don't respond, that would seem rude and I don't want to be her enemy, despite the fact that she is my enemy ... Boy, would I like to see some bad thing happen to her ... A freak accident of some sort ... Get hit by a falling piano, for example ... Who knows, with the Covid-19 pandemic still at large and she being in the group most vulnerable to contract the disease ... Well, here's hoping ... 

Other than work, I have been trying to get some writing done, but because I'm lazy, my writing project has stalled ... I am currently trying to write a script ... Downloaded some scripts as guidance, but the more I read, the more daunted and overwhelmed I become ... I read what I've written so far, and I cringe at how stilted, stuffy and downright shitty my script is ... I want the words to flow well and sound natural and witty and refreshing, but all I can see is how fake and unfunny and stale my writing is ... I may have written a novel and self-publish it, but the truth is, I don't think anybody wants to read what I've written save for this blog and the other blog ... The other day, I went to Kinokuniya, trying to find some reading material that may interest me and get the juice flowing for my own writing, but for the first time ever, I find nothing that piques my curiosity ... I look at all the books and I could feel a tinge of envy in this lonely heart of mine ... When will I ever get published? I mean, for real ... I think I mentioned somewhere that I want to be a full-time writer, but I've got bills to pay ... Granted, it's just my phone bill I have to pay ... Still, I can't just quit my job to pursue something I have dreamed of without having something to fall back on ... So, that's it ... My dream floating in space and me looking at the stars forlornly ... Speaking of reading material, I did recently purchased American Psycho ... Read the first few pages, and found that it's a bit on the heavy side ... These days, I want something light to read, like that Captain America novel I bought ... So, I've decided that I will only purchase a novel once I finish reading American Psycho ...

 Right after I went to Kinokuniya, I didn't know where else to go ... I've got some money to spend, but for the first time, I found myself disinterested to do some shopping ... I mean, I've got just about everything I ever wanted, save for the love of my life ... So, instead of going to any store I went straight to Chili's ....

I went to Chili's purely on a whim ... Didn't plan it at all ... But, I figured, since I had some money, and I wasn't going to spend it on shopping, I might as well treat myself to a nice meal ... 

Since I'm a Buzzfeed Quiz nutter, every single quiz that involves food, I've always chosen steak as a lunch or dinner ... It's either steak, or pizza, or burger ... Sometimes pasta, but almost always the three choices ... So, I thought I'd order a steak for real ... I asked for medium well because I don't like to see blood in my food ... Boy, the steak was really tough to cut into, and it was too chewy ... The mashed potato is a little too dry for my taste, I would have liked it if it was a little bit more creamy ... I give a two and a half stars out of five ... Sorry Chili's ...

Other than that, my life has been ... lonely ... I have no friends except the people at my workplace, which I don't consider my friends because I have nothing in common with any of them ... There is this girl who came in the same time I did, but I'm just her confidant ... I do have one or two people I get in touch with out of work, but my meetings with them are few and far in between ... I wonder what happens if I leave my number here in this post, but I don't want some psychopath to call me up ... I'm just desperate to talk to somebody ... Oh well, life goes on ... I'm in my mid-forties and all I look forward to now are just movies I can watch at home ... Yes, my life is pathetic but I try to make the best of it ...

My favourite things, Part 1 - Food ...

As you all know, I like to do Buzzfeed Quizzes ... And for some of the quizzes, I've gotten results that I really like ... I group them under My Favourite Things, and here they are, in no particular order ...

As you may guess, I love fries ... And my favourite kind of potato is fries ... I don't know why I love fries ... Probably the reason why some people love Macs than Windows ... Of all the fries, I think McD's fries is the best ... But of late, they have lowered the sodium content ... So, now I have to get those iodized sodium packets from their condiment stand to sprinkle on the fries ... Now I find that KFC's fries are a lot more delicious ... Probably because they're crispy ... I think it's because they bake it, but I'm not too sure ...

So I love pizza ... But so does everybody, right? I mean, who doesn't love pizza ... Only people with two left brains don't love pizza ... And my favourite topping is Pepperoni ... Give me pepperoni pizza any time of the day and I'll eat it ... I used to think Pizza Hut's pepperoni pizza is the best, but I think they have switched the cheese ... It's not mozzarella, that's for sure ... It tastes like cheddar and because of that, I have grown to dislike Pizza Hut's pepperoni pizza ... Domino's not too bad, but I crave for the good ol' pepperoni pizza I used to have at Pizza Hut ...

I mean, who doesn't love chicken? Only people with two left brains ...

I love chicken nuggets, whether it's McD's or KFC's ...

Basically, I just love all things potato ...

I'm not into healthy food, so no brown rice for me or any other types of rice that are supposed to be healthy ... Give me white rice any time of the day and I'll eat it with curry, or omelette with soy sauce, or any kind of dishes that my mother makes ...

I'm not a fan of sweets, especially ice cream ... This is because I have receding gums and so, I have a sensitivity issue whenever I eat cold foods ... So, I rarely eat ice cream ... But once in a while, I'll treat myself to one at a Baskin Robbins ... My favourite flavour is vanilla, but at BR, they don't have plain ol' vanilla, so I'll choose something like Hazelnut Pralines or Strawberry Cheesecake, anything that's vanilla-based ... I detest chocolate ice cream, so I never go for flavours that are chocolate-based ...

Fancy footnotes on food ... (A sad attempt at attention-grabbing titles) ...

So I have been out and about in my quest for food ... You can say that I'm a foodie of sorts, but maybe not in the definitive sense ... However, my quest is erratic at best because I can't afford to spend on eating outside and even on takeaways, although I have made quite several Grabfood orders ... Let's just proceed to the specimens I have collected on this particular journey, shall we? ...

My mother used to make this really delicious 'daging masak kicap' ... Perhaps the last one is this one, which makes it more than five years ago ... The beef is so soft that it would melt in the mouth and the spicy hotness is fantastic ... My nose would be running by the time I finished eating and that is a good sign ... My mother is getting on in her autumn years and therefore she does not cook anymore, at least not dishes like this ... It is even made more unfortunate by the fact that she does not want to teach me how to cook this dish ... Maybe she knows that I'm such a lazy git that I would not make it as delicious as hers ... It is such a sad affair, but I can always look to the fact that my sister-in-law can also make a similar dish and perhaps she can teach me, so all is not lost ...

I came across this hot plate dish while I went out to have lunch with a friend at nusentral ... I think the name of the chain is Pepper Something ... A lot of people queued up at its stall at the time, so I thought the food must be delicious ... So, the next time while I was walking along the underground food court at Pavilion, I came across one and immediately lined up before the queue got too long ... I tell you, it was quite a wait, as there were few people waiting before me and the dish took time to prepare ... I ordered Beef Pepper and the beef sizzled its way to getting cooked while I searched for a place to sit in the crowded food court ... It still sizzled when I found a seat, so I had to wait until it was not that hot enough for my mouth ... Verdict: It isn't too bad, but not a dish I would eat again ... I wonder what all the hype is about ... 

This is at the mall near my place ... I had never tried Korean food before, so I thought I give it a try ... I asked a lot of questions about the available dishes as I couldn't make heads or tails of  the fancy Korean names and the pictures of the dishes on the menu were not really much of a help, imo ... In the end I ordered Chikin Pabkon Ramyon Set and hoped to God that the portion wasn't too large ... The portion is a little too much for me, tbh ... It took me more than half an hour to finish the bowl, and only the bowl ... I did not consume the soup and the side veggies, although I should have as I have never tried Kimchi ... I didn't even drink the noodle broth because my stomach was too full ... The chicken cutlets aren't too bad and the spiciness is the right note as my nose got snotty in the end ... The noodle itself is quite delicious but the kind that makes you full after a few mouthfuls ... Verdict: It is an interesting dish, but it will be a while before I try another Korean dish ...

I'm hopeless with living things ...

This is my plant ... I call it Plant ... If I'm not mistaken, it's a money plant, or Devil's Ivy, or Epipremnum aureum ... Looking at its state, you can guess that I don't really take good care of it ... It has nearly died of thirst once or twice, which would explain the lack of leaves ... Or my mother said it's because I water it too much, which doesn't make sense really because it used to thrive before its current state ... My guess is that it is exposed to direct sunlight, which is the reason why it nearly died ... I used to put in a higher place, but because I figured that direct sunlight is killing it, I decided to put it behind some other plants ... Doesn't really work because sunlight still gets at it ... Oh well, this is the main reason why I don't think I should get a cat, or if it ever happens, get pregnant ... I don't think I can take care of living things, or I would do a bad job of it ... Of course, taking care of a child is not the same as taking care of a plant ... But I think it's safe to say that maybe that's the reason why I'm still not married ... God knows that I'm a lousy caretaker ... 

So what I've done is that I repotted Plant and moved it to my bathroom where no direct sunlight will ever drain it ... Even though it doesn't look as thriving as it did once upon a time, the leaves have perked up ... It seems that I have saved Plant ... Phew!!! ...

Updated 10 August 2020

Plant is dying, and I don't know what to do ... I've done all I could and I have no idea why Plant is dying ... I think I'm just gonna let it go to Plant Heaven ... Plant deserves a master better than me, and I let it down ... I'm sad about this but what can I do ... I've put Plant back on the verandah ... Hopefully the sun would do it good before it gasps its last breath ...