My very first crush ....

Well, as you may know ... My latest celebrity crush is on Tom Hiddleston ... When I look at him closely, it's not that he has this classic good looks like, say, Brad Pitt ... But, there's a certain charm, and to an extent, charisma, to Tom Hiddleston ... Anyway, I've developed a crush on him while watching one too many Thor The Dark World, and absolutely love his role as Loki in that one ... Why have I watched one too many Thor The Dark World? ... It's actually connected to my third psychotic episode, that's all I'm gonna say ... To explain what really happened would be like opening a wound, and I'd rather not go there ...

Anyway, I'm here to talk about my very first crush ... The one I had when I was sixteen ... I've been going through my entries for this blog, and found that I sort of promised to write up an entry on my very first crush when I was talking about someone else ... So, here it is ...

Let's call my very first crush Y, shall we? ... Y stands for his surname, as he is Chinese ... I was introduced to Y when my Form Four English teacher asked me to join the debate team ... Y wasn't this good looking guy which every girl in the school would have a crush on ... He had a nice smile, and he wasn't very tall ... But, he was ever so polite ... He would ask how I was every time we met up ... Actually I don't really remember this, but I'm sure he did ask how I was every time we met up ... He seemed genuinely concerned with my well-being ... And from then onward, I developed this crush that was slow in the making but grew into something I couldn't control ...

This was such a long time ago that I don't remember most of what happened ... All that I remember is that I looked forward to every debate session we had so that I would meet Y ... But, Y was not only captain of the debate team, he was also head prefect and head librarian ... He was a busy guy, so he wasn't around every debate session ... I remember feeling crushed, in a manner of speaking, when I didn't meet him ... I think the only reason I went along with being in the debate team was just so I could meet Y, otherwise I was scared shit of making a public speech ... My English teacher made me the reserve member ... I think she only chose me because my English was, well, not too bad ...

I started writing these silly little letters to Y, explaining to him at length how I felt about him ... Actually, it's just that one letter ... I waited for the longest time to get a reply from him ... But, it seemed as if he avoided me after getting said letter ... I asked Z, one of the debating team's member, what happened to Y? Z was a prefect, and I am sure to this day that he had Y's back, meaning he wouldn't really be totally honest with me as to the whereabouts of Y ... But, the school wasn't that big, and there was no way that Y could avoid me any longer ... Finally, I did meet him, but, hmmm, here is where memory is a little fuzzy ...

I don't remember exactly what he said ... I think he didn't say anything to me ... I think he just shrugged off the fact that I wrote to him a heart-wrenching letter pouring out all my love to him ... What can you expect really? I was sixteen, and he was seventeen ... Maybe he didn't know what to say to me ... Maybe he saw me as the sister he never had (Y has two brothers) ... Whatever it was, I was heartbroken ... I was, in a word, crushed ...

Y went to Singapore after getting really good results for his SPM ... He enrolled at a prestigious university there ... And you know what, he started writing letters to me ... I don't remember the contents of those letters, but I can tell you that I still keep them ... Yup, to this day, I still have the letters that Y wrote to me in his university days ...

Last I heard of him is that he is married ... I met his brother at a bus stop several years ago, who told me about him being married and all ... C'est La Vie ...