I lost my phone ... or rather, my phone was taken ... My fault really ... I forgot about it when I left the internet cafe and only realised my phone was not with me, like, two hours later ... So, when I went back to the place, it was already gone ... And the thing that was the uppermost of my mind was that I had downloaded Toon Blast and Candy Crush Saga and Plants vs Zombies and I had to re-download those games to my new phone ... That was the thing that frustrated me most and not that I had to suspend my account so that some f**ker won't be able to use my meager data plan or to make calls or things like that ... For God's sake, I was already on Level 140 plus on Toon Blast ... Do you know how difficult certain levels are??? ... I don't make in-app purchases, hence the snail's pace ... Now I only have Toon Blast on my new phone, which I bought with money from the only savings I have ... I have used money from that to buy other stuff that I don't need and now I have to get a f**king phone!!! ...
On the plus side, the phone's camera is AWESOME ...
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| This is taken during the day, but I didn't use the flash function ... Recently went to service my bike ... |
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| Using the zoom-in function and it is still quite sharp ... My bike's brake shoe was worn out ... I had been going around with a screeching brake for more than a year before I changed it ... |
And so we come to the thing that I have been trying to deny but must face eventually ... I am quitting my stinking job ... There, I said it ... I'll always be a quitter ... But, something happened a while back at that stinking establishment that made me realise that I have to find a way out of this thing I'm facing ... A former colleague turned up at my soon-to-be former workplace and said that I'll forever be working there ... He said that because I used to work there and then I quit and was out of a job for eight months ... When he said those words, something in me clicked ... No, I cannot allow myself to be stuck in this miserable form of existence without doing something about it, even if it means that I would take the easy way out, yet again for the millionth time ...
How can I allow myself to believe that doing something I don't like is the only recourse I have? To an extent it has something to do with my faith ... The day I finished my second novel, I got a second notice from the government regarding my debt ... So, I went meandering at the mall where my workplace is and wandered into that stinking establishment and the next thing you know, the supervisor asked me whether I wanted to come back and work there ... I took it all as a sign from God ... I should have known there and then that God, as in His usual warped sense of humour, is just testing me, or how far would I go in believing in Him ... Not too far I guess ...
Hence, that is why I believe some think that my faith is fatalistic ... It does look that way, doesn't it? However, I cannot just disregard my faith ... For better or for worse, it is part of my identity, however fractured though that may be ... I've stopped praying for a while now, and may be because of that I can feel the anger taking over some deep part of myself that I am becoming uncaring, to an extent ...
All I ever want is just to feel happy ... Is that too much to ask, God? ...
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